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Sunday, March 10, 2013

Ch-Change-Change

      I have been noticing every [insert length of time here] that I have been changing.
I am like a amoeba, a lava lamp, the ocean's tide, Taylor Swift's boyfriendsss, a mood ring, coins, any device that has a button that says random/shuffle, the piece of bread that you toast (or burn), entropy,...If you didn't catch on yet, these are all things that change.

"Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different." - C.S. Lewis 
      A good rebuttal would be "that it is because it is like watching hair grow". All the jks aside, I remember seeing this somewhat sappy quote years back, but before I explain my fortune like reasons later on. I need this tangent because it is the back story.
      So I walk in photo one morning, there was a new new girl that sat next to Chantelle who sits next to me and I didn't think much about it. Next class, the new girl asked "Are you Kayla?" So I said "Yes....o_O" Then she is all like "I'm Lexi." Then my mind just freaken exploded. After scraping my brains off of the walls, computer screens and tables (some brain cells got stuck in between the keyboards and we were never able to retrieve them and the keyboards had to be replaced D: )."Why did my brain explode?" you may ask. I knew this chick from 6th grade and haven't seen her yet. She told me (something across these lines cause I forget word for word) *Kayla you are so different and gorgeous* I am like "Aww thanks. You are pretty too girl."
Fool me twice, ...My other leg is broken.
     But this got me thinking how I have changed over the last 6 years. Was it really for the better? Was I really that strange in middle school? Was there anything that I don't do now, but sort of wished I kept it? {Backstoy over}
     I look back at minor and major things I did and wonder how stupid and weird I was. Whether I go back  8 years, or even 3 months, I will always ask young Keila "Wtf are you doing?"or  "Did you really think that is cool?". Now at this point in my life I am more aware of how not to repeat the stupid things. This probable comes with maturity and learning from my mistakes because only then will I know where the pitfalls and the areas where there seams to be a vanished manhole covers, so I know where not  to step. (e.g. self-experiences or one of those "I'm now scared for life"-experiences), but I also lost some good study habits that I had when I was younger.

     So the 6th grade was my parents were tiring to sell our house  because the divorce the year before. They didn't actually sell it until the summer before 7th grade. Even thought I packed for 6.5 years, when I am done stuffing all my clowns in one tiny car, I always for get something. Over packing isn't that bad because I rather have something I don't need than need something I don't have. My method of packing is stuff everything in the bag and look around my room to see if I missed anything that I think I might need. So far I have a mental check list of the items to pack and that list was the only thing that I created over my living-out-of-a-suitcase-years.
    Next to packing, I noticed that my natural scheduled of doing things did a 180°. I started walking home most of middle school. I, like any other kid home alone, would take advantage of being home alone. I remember in 2nd grade, I use to come home and do my homework at the kitchen table right when I got home (mainly because my mom forced me too). Now I do it at 8 pm (on average), on my bed, even though deep down inside I know I work better at a table or desk, and I complacently said FU to the "no tv during week day (the news during dinner was an acception to the rule; that's probably where I get my interest in newsy type stuff)". I also use to be really good at soccer, I was even on competitive teams, but I didn't play during middle school due to unable to get to practices and forgetting about sign-ups. That's also when I became more keen on coming home an devouring a box of mac-n-cheese...Yes, I was proud of it and yet again I regretted it.
What I noticed what changed the most, more than the after school mac-n-cheese feast and the pack mule jokes, was my personality. *Oh gawd, she is going to be sappy.* Hey, Peanut-Gallery how about you-- SHUT-UP!
     Well lets just sum up middle school as I was a weird kid that got sisterly-picked on by a close friend. Then magically 2nd semester of 8th grade she was oodles of niceness. My 9th grade year was when I just became pissed at the world and hated life...Wouldn't you if you had freshman written on your forehead? (I can't wait for freshhhy year of college. o_O) I jumped around from at least 4 different group of friend groups that year. At one point, I was prone to confining who I was to become a half-ass copy of them with their anime fan-dome, but then I relied that I just can fake liking that stuff. More Power to you, if you can. Also there is nothing wrong with anime, it just isn't my cup of tea. Let the record be I never got into Hitallia or Homestuck, I just sort of nodded my head and sounded interested when they would talk about it. That was when I learned that it is be to stop kidding myself and gather a cool bunch of friends that we actually have something in common, like Spongebob or The Power Puff Girls, you know who you are.
     After freshman year, I got a custom to the high school way of life. I started looking at the annoyances as the everyday norm, which they are. I stopped trying to explain to people how awesome I am through Facebook. I stopped caring about other stuff that is out of my control and/or doesn't involve me. I stop trying to stop trying to keep up with the Joneses (or the masses). This is because I don’t really give a crap about snap chatting, twitter, and the current fad-game/app. Why would I work myself into frenzy over things like that? I as much as I hate amateur photographers using instagram and trying to become INSTA-famous, yet again I might bite the bullet and try instagram out, but that is a different story. My anxiety is still with me but I found ways to camouflage it with humor, logic, and having thicker skin.
     Also, on the topic of logic, I have been staring to look at stuff like I’m playing the devils advocate (e.g. other perspectives). It helps justifying many things.
    Here is an example:
You are walking around school and then you see an old friend. You are being to contemplate about saying “Hi.”. By doing so you pass up your chance to say “Hi.” and you pass by that cool old friend.

sadface. :(

-I would justify it by saying “if they didn't say hi and I didn't say hi, then why should I beat myself up for not saying hi. They could have said hi too, but they didn't." (*also works reversed)
- But if you looked them dead in the eye and didn't say anything. You’re a jerk.
     With all this self taught methods of life, maybe it is a good thing to be constantly changing (for the better... that is kind of der-ta-der). Imagine just what it would be like to run into Kayla in the next six years. I wonder what the 22 year young Kayla will be doing? How was/is collage? How would my live be like? Oooo... I have soooo many questions for her, we need to chat over dinner one night!

8 comments:

  1. I love this blog! kayla im so glad ive known you for 5 years love you girl.

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  2. As the wise David Bowie once said, "ch-ch-ch-ch-changes." ...I don't really know where I was going with this comment.

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    1. yah, but sorry Paigie, I was channeling my Aretha Franklin (Chain Of Fools).
      Come to think about it, those words (& the famous verse at 1:20) are the only words that I know of that song.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGAiW5dOnKo

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    2. Haha, I know, David Bowie just popped into my head and I couldn't resist.

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    3. Pssst, it's actually "chain, chain, chain"...but you probably know that!

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    4. crap that would make more sense!
      sssssshhhh don't tell anyone. It is our secret.

      Now everyone needs to know I got my title from that David Bowie song!
      now run along now, spread that like wild fire!

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